


To Kill Feelings

by i_apologize_in_advance



Category: Red Queen Series - Victoria Aveyard
Genre: Book 3: King's Cage, Choking, Crying, Degradation, F/M, Little comfort, Punishment, Rough Sex, Slapping, Spanking, Throat Fucking, dubcon, king's cage spoilers, noncon, nonsexual choking, read the tags cause this is serious shit, rough, this is more dubcon than noncon but just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:41:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28334808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_apologize_in_advance/pseuds/i_apologize_in_advance
Summary: Mare Barrow couldn't get Maven Calore out of her head. Despite herself, she still thought she could fix him. She still wanted him to kiss her like that day on the boat. In Maven's castle, trapped and helpless, those feelings could be the reason she'd never escape. She needed to kill them before they killed her, and the best way to do it was to force herself to realize what a monster Maven was. She'd do anything it took.
Relationships: Mare Barrow/Maven Calore
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	To Kill Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place during King's Cage, so there will be spoilers. I read the book a long time ago, so it's probably a little rough and not factually accurate to the book. Pardon my feeble memory.
> 
> Be warned that this is not for the faint of heart. Read the tags. This thing is a major TW.

Mare paced her room, the silent stone around her wrists sending exhaustion into her muscles, her bones, her heart. She couldn’t stand the monotonous days or the unceasing presence of the guards or the never ending pain of simply existing. 

But most of all, she couldn’t stand the thought of him. Maven was always there, his face floating around the vestiges of her mind. She’d realized now that the boy that she’d cared about, the one she’d been falling in love with so long ago, was gone. Actually, he’d never existed at all. It was all an elaborate act. 

She knew that, but it wasn’t yearning for the old him that tugged at her heart. It was something much scarier. A deep, dark part of her burned when she thought of him as he was now: broken and brutal. Not all of the burn was anger. It wasn’t love either. 

He had told her before that any love he felt had been twisted into something bad, scrambled by his mother’s prodding powers. In her case, it had turned into obsession and possession. He longed to have her under his control, and now he did.

She wondered, even without Elara’s whispering, if her own heart had been infected by this place. No rational person in her position would feel anything but hatred for Maven, and yet she caught herself wishing on hard days like these that he’d ease her aches. Remove her shackles and massage the life back into her muscles. Kiss her gently and murmur apologies into her ear. Tell her that she was capable of changing him, that he could be better for her. 

She cringed at her desires. She was disgusting. Maven could whisper all the sweet nothings that she wanted, and it wouldn’t change the fact that he was a monster. At the end of the day, he didn’t care about her. He cared only that no one else had her. 

She knew that in the war to come, she’d have to kill him. There’d be no room for hesitation. If she still had these feelings by then, there was a chance she’d falter, and she couldn’t take chances. She had to find a way to hate him and quash any tenderness or care she felt towards him. 

An idea sparked in the depths of her brain, one she quickly cast aside, but as she sat on her bed and the seconds passed by, it crept back up. It was so quiet she could hear her own heartbeat. It was a terrible idea. Any dignity she had left would be gone, but at this point, did it matter? Maven could choose to do away with her any day. 

She called out to the guards before she could stop herself. “I need to see Maven.”

None of them answered or even looked at her. She signed and stood up, indignant. “It’s important. I have information that he’ll want to hear. If you don’t bring me now, I won’t say it at all, and then it will be your asses on the line.” 

That seemed to incite a response. They glanced at each other, and one gave the slightest tilt of his shoulder. They didn’t want to face Maven’s unpredictability. 

Mare followed the guard out of the room, and she breathed in deeply. She was hardly ever let out, and even though she was still inside, the air seemed fresher. 

Every step she took sent spears of panic into her heart, but she couldn’t turn back now. At the very least, this was a break in the monotony of her days. At the most, it was a terrible mistake, but she’d made many mistakes in the past. She doubted this would be the worst. 

For a second, she thought about Cal and her throat dried. To him, this would seem like a betrayal, not that she intended to ever tell him about it. To her, that was exactly why she had to do it. The thoughts she had about Maven were more appalling than any physical action, and she had to get rid of them. She’d trade a betrayal of the body to end her betrayal of the heart. 

The guard knocked once on Maven’s door and said gruffly, “She says she has important information for you, your majesty.” Her skin prickled.

They waited for nearly a minute, and Mare knew because she was counting. Finally, the door swung open, and Mare bit her lip. 

She hadn’t seen him in weeks. He barely visited her, another example of how he truly didn’t care for her. Since then, he looked more. . . Exhausted. Dark circles smudged underneath his eyes, and his hair was unruly. Still, she bet she looked worse. 

His gaze flickered between her and the guard, and she could tell he didn’t believe her. She’d never willingly give him valuable information. His curiosity got the better of him, and he cleared his throat. “You’re dismissed. Mare, come in.” 

As she passed over the threshold, some of her fear trickled away. She was alone with him now, and that emboldened her. “I don’t have any information, actually.” 

He chucked, walking over to a small table. “I figured.”

She looked around his room, but it was surprisingly bare. Then again, she shouldn’t be surprised. Maven had no sense of sentimentality, and his room was merely a place to sleep. 

He poured amber liquid into two glasses and wordlessly handed one to her. She downed it, grimacing at the bitterness. She didn’t like the way he was studying her face, trying to figure her out like a bug beneath a magnifying glass. 

“I have a proposition for you.” She walked past him and poured herself another drink. 

“Oh? Do tell.”

Still facing away from him (that was the only way she could get the words out), she chewed on the inside of her cheek. “Have your way with me.” She said it softly, not even sure if he could hear her. 

A few seconds of silence passed. “Are. . . Are you serious?”

She spun around then, and she was pleased to see that his expression contained no judgement, only wide-eyed shock. “I want you to hurt me, to put me in my place.” Her voice was stronger now that she’d gottten the initial request over with. 

His eyebrows furrowed. “But you’ve always done everything you could to defy me. This would be the opposite of that. Why?” 

She didn’t want to tell him the truth: she hoped that if he showed her the monster he truly was, she could kill her feelings for him. “It doesn’t matter. You want to punish me, don’t you? That’s what this is all about.” She threw her arms out, a gesture meant to encapsulate her confinement in the castle. “I’m giving you what you want.” 

“I don’t know what trick you’re planning, Mare, but-“

She strode over to him and grabbed him, fingers clenching his white dress shirt and as she pulled him closer to her. “There is no trick. It’s simple. I want to feel something, Maven. I’ve been here for too long.”

She met his deep blue eyes, hoping he could see the truth in her own. He yanked himself away from her. “I’m not going to just-“

She broke him off again, this time with a sharp slap across the face. Redness bloomed across his cheek, and he grazed the skin with his fingers. 

A wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows, and he glared down at her. “What is wrong with-“

She interrupted him with another slap across the face, this one hard enough to make him stumble backwards. “Everything, Maven. Everything is wrong with me.” She pushed him further back, and he tripped over the leg of the table, crashing to the ground. 

Seizing her chance, she straddled him and wrapped her fingers around his neck before he could recover. She squeezed, and he tried to pull her hands away, but a cold sense of determination lent her more strength than she’d had since before the silent stone. 

She wondered if she could kill him right now and watch his eyes turn glassy. The image bloomed in her brain, and she felt almost giddy with the possibility.

His face started to turn red, and he flicked his wrist, activating his metal bracelet. A flame appeared in the palm of his hand, and he moved it dangerously close to her arm. The heat was scalding. His eyes glinted with warning. 

Yelping in pain, she finally released him and rolled off of his body. He sat up, one hand grasping at the collar of his shirt as he pulled it away from his neck, which had already begun to bruise. Even though he was gulping in air, she felt the room grow noticeably hotter. He was angry. 

Staggering to his feet, his pupils dilated and wild with rage, he whirled on her. “I could execute you for that,” he said, his voice raspy and thick with pain. 

“You could execute me for a lot of things. I’d rather you take it out on me in a different way.” Despite her confident words, a sliver of fear slipped into her chest. 

“Fine, but don’t tell me you didn’t want this.” With quick movements, Maven seized Mare by the wrist and flung her against the bed. She hurried to prop herself up on her elbows. 

“Wait,” she said. “I want these off.” She nodded her head down at her shackles. 

A low chuckle rumbled from his chest. “So that’s what this is, then? A way for you to slip your cuffs and escape?” 

“No! I promise. I just… I hate them. They make my head foggy, and every move I make is a battle.” 

He crossed his arms. His wrath seemed to have settled and he assessed her calmly. “You’re asking me to take a big risk.” 

“Your guards are outside. They can silence my powers at any time.”

“You’d kill me before they’d have the chance.”

“And never make it out of the castle alive,” she bit back. 

He sighed. “The moment I think you’re up to something.” The flame lit in his palm again. “I won’t hesitate to use this, understand?”

She nodded. 

“Very well. I’m not going to go easy on you then, if that’s what you want. You’re not going to like it.”

She didn’t think he’d still be protesting, but she urged him on. “I know. I don’t care.” 

He shuffled forward and placed one knee on the bed, next to Mare’s thighs. Slipping a key from his pocket, he unlocked the silent stone shackles and slid them from her wrists before dropping them on the floor. 

The instant the shackles left her skin, a veil in her mind seemed to lift and strength seeped back into her body. She rubbed her wrists, and she noticed that Maven was eyeing her intently, expecting her to electrocute him. Every cell in her body told her to do that, but she knew it was no use. Killing Maven here would sign her own death sentence if it wasn’t already set in stone. 

When it became clear that Mare wasn’t going to unleash holy hell in his bedroom, he cleared his throat and twisted to sit on the bed. “Lay across me. Now.” His voice had taken on a different tone. It was deeper, more assertive, and more controlled. 

She hurried to obey, knowing that any dissent could easily end this arrangement before it even truly began, and settled her stomach over his thighs. Her blood rushed in her ears, and anticipation twisted in her gut, much to her horror. 

A hand lightly swept up the back of her thigh, underneath her dress, and goosebumps rose in its wake. She felt him tug her dress up past hips, and her cheeks burned at the thought of him seeing her exposed lower body. Her panties left little to the imagination.

His calloused hand settled over her ass, kneading it slightly as if as a test. Then, before she could react, his hand vanished and was replaced by a brisk slap. She held in a yelp, her skin tingling. 

“That was for lying about having information.” 

The next slap came harder, but she was more prepared this time. Her fingers dug into the bedsheets, grounding her. 

“That was for hitting me.” 

The next one was the hardest yet, and she gritted her teeth. Pain blossomed across her butt and upper thighs. 

“And for choking me.” 

He skimmed his hand across her ass again, rubbing thoughtfully, and the movement soothed the skin slightly. “Actually, I don’t believe I need reasons, do I?” 

She said nothing. 

The slaps that came were rapid-fire, each one hard and in one of a few repeated spots. She bit her lips, tried to push down a wail as tears burned her eyes. Her ass went numb with pain, and yet Maven showed no sign of relenting. 

Finally, when she couldn’t bear it anymore, she scrambled forward, across his legs and away from his seeking palm. “P-please,” she gasped. “I can’t.” 

The next seconds of silence sent a chill up her spine, and she didn’t dare look behind her.

“Fine,” Maven said, annoyance clear in his voice. “Bend over the bed then.”

She crawled to the edge of the bed and let her legs slip off, her front pressed into the duvet. Her tears stained the fabric. Maven moved, and she felt him standing behind her. 

Before she could do or say anything, he clicked his flame-maker on his wrist, and the hardest slap yet landed on ass, his hand burning. At this, finally she yelped as a new level of pain spread across her backside. 

Maven hunched over her, his lips close to her ear and whispered, “You don’t get to tell me when to stop. You do what I say, and you take it. Understand?”

She hiccupped on a heavy breath. “Yes, Maven.”

He yanked her back by the roots of her hair until she was standing, back pressed against him. “That’s not the name you should call me. Pick another.”

“Sir?” His grip on her hair tightened, and she tried again. “Master?” He pinched her red ass cheek, and she squealed. “My k-king?”

“Better,” Maven responded, monotone, and unceremoniously threw her to the floor. 

Mare landed harshly on all fours, and as she stared at her hands, she began to regret instigating this if she hadn’t already. If she begged him to stop, would he listen? But, despite herself, a wetness slicked her inner thighs, and she knew this hadn’t done its job like she wanted it to, so she kept her mouth shut. 

She heard his pants unzipping and the rumple of fabric, so she turned around, still on her knees. Before her, Maven was completely naked. She barely had time to register the creamy skin of his chest, the lined muscles of his stomach, because he was stroking himself, cock in hand. 

It was thick and pink, veins running up its length, but more significant than that was its length. A trickle of fear leaked into her chest at the thought of fitting that inside her. 

“I want it in your mouth. All of it. Now.” 

She met his gaze, unsure that this was actually happening, but his blue eyes were steely. Knowing hesitation would be punished, she edged closer to him before taking a deep breath and closing her lips around him. 

Slowly, she took more of him into her mouth. His head nudged the back of her throat and she paused, breathed in through her nose, and kept going until he was completely encompassed. Pressing a hand against his surprisingly muscular thigh to keep herself study, she bobbed back and forth, eyes closed as she developed a rhythm.

She felt her hair being swept away from her face and gathered behind her head, surprised by the gesture, until he applied pressure, forcing her to take him more deeply when her movements grew too shallow. Her fingers tightened on his thigh. 

Another thrust, his cock sliding down her throat, and she gagged, pulling away from him. Gasping for breath, she restrained herself from puking and wiped her mouth. 

“Did I say you could stop?” Maven sneered, looking down at her. 

“No.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “No, my king,” she amended, and she swore his cock twitched at that. With one hand reaching to wrap around his cock, she began to suck again. 

“Wait,” he ordered.

She stilled and dropped her hand, her big eyes confused as she looked up at him. 

“Take off your dress.”

She slipped the straps from her shoulders, wiggling the clothing from her body and pulling it off of her legs before discarding it on the ground. She’d forgone a bra given the dress’s built-in support, and her breasts were entirely exposed, her cheeks reddening despite what she’d already done. This was another level of vulnerability.

Maven’s eyes were hungry, taking in the suppliant flesh and smooth skin. He was overcome with need, and he seized her by the hair.

“Open your mouth.”

She did, and he kept her head in place as slipped his cock between her lips. His thrusts were brutal and relentless, and all she could do was try to breathe through it. 

Eventually, his heavy breathing turned to grunts and small moans that made her pussy tighten. His cock throbbed, and he withdrew only to orgasm, his cum spurting from the tip and splattering Mare’s breasts. She flinched, surprised he didn’t finish in her mouth, but didn’t draw away. 

Maven took a moment to catch his breath before commanding Mare lay on her back on the bed. She did, her knees bent and her feet flat, cum still dripping down her chest and stomach. Staring at the ceiling, a pang of disgust but also desire coiled in her gut.

Maven knelt in front of her, and with a hand on each knee he opened her to him. She had the instinctive urge to jerk her knees close, but he didn’t let her. “Keep your legs spread,” he growled.

She felt his finger rub over her still-clothed pussy, and he let out a low whistle that made Mare bite her lip to hold back a scathing remark. 

“You’re practically dripping,” he said. “Do you like this? Me hurting you? Me using you?”

“You liked it. Hurting me. Using me,” she answered, fists tightening.

“I’m supposed to be the fucked up one, not you.”

Any response she might’ve developed was halted as he rubbed up and down her pussy, slow and hard. She had to fight to keep her thighs from jerking closed around his hand. Lifting her head for a moment, she saw that his cock was half hard again already. 

Sliding Mare’s underwear- and her last protection against him- down her legs and off of her, Maven issued a new command, “Flip over. I want your ass up and your face down.”

Mare frowned, and Maven laughed, a deep and harsh sound. “Oh, come on, did you think I was going to finger you? Eat you out? You’re plenty wet already, and from what I understand, this isn’t supposed to be for your pleasure.”

She couldn’t argue with his logic, no matter how much she wanted his tongue on her aching clit, so she flipped over and arched her back. He ran his hands down her spine, grabbing her wrists and pinning them behind her back.

For a second, he hesitated, cock nudging her entrance. “Mare, I need you to tell me you’re sure about this because I’m not holding back.” His voice was uncertain, and her frown deepened. She didn’t think she’d really had a choice in the matter anymore. 

Way too far in to stop now, she muttered, “Just do it, Maven.”

His cock plunged into her, his balls slapping her tender ass, and she choked back a scream. Just like when he was fucking her mouth, he was brutal. Every stroke was hard and fast and deep. She could feel her cervix bruising. 

She stopped trying to repress the noises she wanted to make, and every thrust that sent the side of her face deeper in the mattress also elicited a whiny, desperate moan. 

“Do you like that, little lightning girl? Are you desperate for your enemy’s cock?” Maven asked. 

She didn’t answer, and his hands heated around her wrists. “Yes! I need it, I need it so bad,” she relented. 

Despite the pain, pleasure wound tight in her core, and soon her pussy tightened and she came undone. Maven seemed almost surprised at that, and roughly flipped her back over. 

“What would Cal think? Knowing I could make you come that quickly?”

Genuine tears pricked her eyes again and any strength she had left devoted itself to anger. “Don’t talk about him. Especially not like this,” she bit out through clenched teeth. Rolling to her side, she moved as if to slide off the bed

This only seemed to energize Maven, and he grabbed her around the stomach, pulling her back on the bed. “This isn’t over until I’m finished. Unless you’d prefer my cum in your mouth?”

He hovered over her, her face inches from hers, and she shook her head. His gaze was lustful and greedy, reminding her of exactly the type of person he was. 

“That’s what I thought,” he growled, and he pounded into her sensitive walls once again. All she could do was hang onto him, pull him close to her so his face nestled into the gap between her neck and shoulder so at least she didn’t have to look at his face. Her nails scored lines down his back. 

Impossibly, she felt pleasure building within her again, but this time as she finished, he did too, cum painting her walls white. He collapsed on top of her, their chest rising and falling in sync as they breathed. She could focus on nothing else by the rhythm of her breathing. 

When he was relatively composed again, he rolled off of her. His dark hair was messy and strands stuck to his sweat-slicked forehead. Tilting his head to the side, he watched Mare, her empty eyes, her shaking legs and trembling hands. He knew her ass was turning purple by now, her throat raw, her pussy aching. 

Slipping from the bed and standing beside her, he said, “I’ll call a skin healer. You must be in pain.” 

Then, he did what surprised her most of all that night: he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss against her forehead. The only time he’d kissed her throughout the whole experience. 

She heard him leave the bedroom and new tears rushed down her cheeks. Had she ever cried so much in so little time? It didn’t matter. The new tears were brought by the realization that her plan had been a failure. No matter how much he had hurt her, that one kiss still had her heart twisting. It had all been for nothing. 

She rolled onto her side and wondered what else she’d be willing to endure for just a moment of his comfort.


End file.
